(goodbye arusha. i will miss u, very, very, very much.) yes. i know that it's been almost two months since the last time i wrote and to those wanting to read what was going on: i'm sorry! buuuuut, now i'm going to write and it'll probably be very long and maybe boring as well and sometimes it won't even make any sense. but that's how it is. pole! (and yeah, i know i'm writing in english. i'm not really sure why though...i think in english these days anyways, so it's probably easier.)
i left tanzania late saturday evening and it was hard. not just hard, it was reeeeeeally frikkin hard. but now i'm here - Johannesburg, South Africa. after too many hard goodbyes, two flights and no sleep i was exhausted. so today i'm not really doing anything but planning my time here and resting up. the only things I've seen so far are the highway (with three lanes, ehm. where am i?), the hostel (which is really nice. and to my ujamaafellows: the breakfast is amazing; fruit, muesli, flakes, yoghurt, juice, bread and CHEESE. we even have free wifi and free access to computers. and it's still cheaper. hahah.) the radio is turned on and i haven't heard a single afrobeat song. i find that a bit sad.
oh, what i really was going to write about was everything (well, not really everything..) i saw and experienced. i'll probably cry, but that's okay because you won't see me anyway. haha. soo, last time i wrote i told you about the two new girls that came to pippi house. the safehouse, if you remember? anyways, they became "my" students quickly so we spent time together trying to concur the language called "English" (it's a hard one). one of them, Mwanaidi, was crazy. I've nevener seen anyone with that much energy - i might be exaggerating, and the other girl, Dorcas, was very determined about learning stuff (and wanting to do it her own way, haha) which meant she sometimes pushed the others away. they were great girls. and then they ran away, both of them but separately. and that was hard. a week later i heard that the projectleader met Mwanaidi. and apparently she was living on the street, selling herself, drinking and wishing away the baby in her stomach. and that was even harder knowing that and knowing that there's nothing you can do about it.
.
and then a few days later a new girl arrived and i started teaching her. and the fact that i knew a bit Swahili made it easier this time. she is incredibly eager to learn and she's a fast learner. when she arrived she didn't know any english and know she can present and talk a little about herself, she can talk about what people are doing/have been doing, describe simple things and her vocabulary is growing every day. it's great to see that she's actually learning and to know that i was a part of that. an other girl arrived this week. she's really sweet, as eager to learn as the others. half of her body is burn injured. I've never seen anything like it. i was shocked the first time i saw her. but she's still smiling.
don't know how to make a smooth transition, so i won't...i quit going to that school i went to before. because:
- the hostel moved so it took me two hours to get there everyday.
- i never got there on time because i had to wait for breakfast before i left.
- the school was only open for four hours.
and that was hard as well. because i love those kids. and that might sound a bit silly, considering I only went there for two months. but honestly, i do. i went there this week two days to say goodbye, first day we all went to a field where some people - doctors or nurses or maybe just regular people - did medical check-ups. we sat and waited in the burning sun, the children kept asking me for water, and the sweat was pouring from their faces. i don't even know how i feel about. all i know is that i have no jolly, happy or positive feeling about it. no.
the next day i went back to say my final goodbye. the kids were on break and so they saw me coming. and they all ran to meet me, shouting "teacher! teacher! teacher!" and that was overwhelming, but i actually didn't cry which is a bit surprising because i cry a lot. and then the teachers made them sing for me "goodbye teacher sofie, we will neva forget yuu bat yuu time is ove to say guudbye." and then they went home and the kids that i usually walk with back walked with me. and there's this one boy that i got really close to. he didn't really let any of the volunteers in, but for some reason he did with me. and so i asked him "u know i'm leaving tomorrow, right?" (in Swahili though, they don't know that much english) and he just answered "mmm" and didn't want to talk about it. when we said goodbye he gave me a long hug and gosh, i had to fight to not cry. because i didn't want to cry in front of him. but yeah, as soon as he left i did. hahah.
and the next day i said goodbye to the girls at pippi house. they made me open their new hen-project. so i was standing inside a hen house with a lot of hens running around my feet. that was a bit weird, but good i guess. i got a lot of beautiful beadbracelets from them and when i had to go they walked me to the road where i got picked up to go to my goodbye-dinner. i just hate goodbyes, that's all i'm going to say about that,
so we had dinner. and all the time i had this feeling of uneasiness. knowing that i was about to leave this place that i came to love and all the amazing people i met, the language i learned, the culture and the great friends i made. but yeah, i knew i had to say goodbye from the moment i booked it and that still didn't make it any easier.
and oh i need to brag about my Swahili. hahha. i can even have like a real conversation with someone and not just "how are u? i'm fine, how are u?" and i can understand what people are saying. not everything of course - no, not even close to half of it. but i'm still pretty proud of it. it sucks that i'm not going to be able to speak it for a while. and i just found out that the only one i could speak Swahili to at home, just got deported and that just makes me angry at life and how unfair it is, and my boy mostly speaks english with me. but yeah, I've got some books so hopefully i won't forget it. jaja, det löser sig nock! i might go back next year, if everything works out as it's supposed to. but if i don't, well, arusha and the people i met there will always be in my heart. oh gosh, that's really cheesy. but it's true, and i don't know any other way to say it. sorry guys!
this isn't even half of what i saw, experienced or felt but i'll come back to it later. maybe when i come home to Sweden, maybe before. it's easier with pictures and i don't think i'll have the possibility to upload them when i'm here. but anyways, i think i mentioned the most important things for now. and yeah, it's going to be hard coming back. i can imagine that i'll be a wreck and freak the first couple of days, but give it some time and i'll be back to the normal weird me. just a warning! i miss u all, arusha-people and u guys at home. can't wait to see u, but first i have to do south africa and it has to be great! (if i believed in god i would be praying right now, asking not to get mugged. but i don't. soo, i just have to hope. or something. oh gosh, i'm weird.) yeepp, that's it for now. take care!
love,
xxx
arusha,
english,
feeling sad,
leaving,
missing people,
moving on,
nitakumiss,
people i've met,
saying goodbye,
swahili,
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