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how do people do it? how do people know what they know and still continue living the way they've always done? how do people know that other people suffer and starve and still they'd rather want to buy a new phone than give a tiny amount of money a month to someone who's in desperate need of it? to sponsor a child and give them the chance to actually get a real job in the future and earn money, to know that someone doesn't starve. even just for a little while. how can one know all this and still not care or still not do a shit about it? I honestly don't get it, no. I come from a cold, rich country where the majority don't appreciate what they've got. and I'm so, so, so tired of it.

 

I know I'm the same. no, I know I was the same, but then I went to Tanzania. and it was heart-breaking seeing everything I saw there, still I'm so happy I did. because it made me realize a lot. realize that I'm so lucky having my entire family alive, having a house, getting food every day, being able to find a job and having the opportunity to get a good education. and it made me get to know all these wonderful people that struggle every single day. and I have to say that I'm a bit ashamed of who I was before, but at least I know now.

 

I can't change the world. I know that, I'm not stupid. but at least I try to help. and maybe I'm just being naive, but I rather be that than doing nothing at all. I get that everyone doesn't have the money to help. and that's fine. but I wish people would stop complaining and realize that they have a pretty good life and that some people don't. because the thing is that the poor people I met in Tanzania were happier than most of the people back home. and they have N.O.T.H.I.N.G. they might have shoes to wear, they might get something for dinner that day, the kids might go to school, the parents might have a job, they might make it. but nothing is for sure.

 

about two weeks ago, I witnessed a motorcycle accident over there. I couldn't write about it before, because it was too hard. I didn't see the accident itself, but I saw the driver and the woman lying by the motorcycle, showing no signs of life. and not wearing helmets plus the people driving like crazy, make me pretty sure there weren't any lives to be seeing any signs of. a man had picked up the daughter of the woman and his shirt was all covered in blood. and it kills me that no paper is going to write about them. it's not going to make the news. and what's going to happen to that daughter? the street? maybe an orphanage, if she's lucky. the fathers of motherless kids usually can't take care of them, because they have to work. so who would be looking after the kids? no one.

 

I have a great life but many of the people I left don't. and for me, right now, I find that really hard to deal with. yeah. right now I'm mad at the world. I'm mad at myself for having good opportunities, I'm mad at people that don't care, I'm mad at the people who should be working to try and solve this but don't, I'm mad at the fact that I can't do more to help, I'm mad at the fact that even though you might struggle to pay the bills and even though you're greatful for what you have there's still that other person that doesn't get to eat that day. I'm just so mad. and I know that some of you might say "you should be proud of what you've done..", "don't be mad because it won't help anyone...", "you should be happy about what you've got instead of being mad.." NO. not right now. right now, I just want to be angry - I need to be angry. I think that makes it easier for me to cope with the fact that life is unfair. so, I'm going to be angry for a while but I'm going to try to enjoy my trip as well. and when I come home I'm going to enjoy Christmas with my family, but I'll still be angry. probably for a long time.

 

to those planning to buy my a Christmas/birthday gift: UNICEF and http://erratcarecentre.wordpress.com, need you more than I do, and that would make me happier. thank you!

 

xxx